I can't sleep!!!!

I took my PM meds and I still can't sleep lots of things going thur my mind. like lil' miss has been here since 1030 tuesday night and won't be going home until 1030 thursday and it looks like it going to be a regular thing except she will be here at 2 on tuesday and i meant in PM 1030 pm. so a full 48 hours. I don't mind love her to pieces but jeez. Then on top of it I have feelings for someone I really shouldn't. why is it the guys i end of having feelings for are not completely available makes me sad and upset that. I want to have someone for my very own that I can love and dote on and clean for and make more babies with. LIFE ISN"T FAIR!!! tomorrow night I will have 6 kids in this house that doesn't have a living room because all the packed boxes are in there. Then I haven't talked to moron in a couple weeks and it really has me down. I miss talking to him even if all he did was talk about that bitch. I think i'm having a pity party. I love watching kids but I sometimes wish I didn't. I love my boys and want to spend as much time with them as I can. I want a man to do everything with and sleep next to. I'm a little tired of having little people in my bed but the thing is if they didn't sleep there I would have a whole queen size bed to myself and I think it would get old very quickly. I feel sorry for lil' miss a mom hardly ever there going from grandma to babysitter back to grandma. and right now i'm mad at grandma and I have never met her. She told mom of lil' miss that I must not watch lil' miss because she fell down one stair. Ok here is the story. we were at a friends house all kids were upstairs has that was the playroom. most of the evening we had been keeping the door to upstairs closed and gated off kitchen and going outside. since all the kids had gone up stairs I let lil' Miss with strict instructions the the big one to watch her. she is only 17 months. He did a very good job until the end. the kids decided to come down stairs and has I was goign up there to get her she fell down one stair. I don't think that makes me a bad sitter plus she didn't have a mark on her and she was fine. accidents happen and this kid has come over with more bumps and bruises from playing outside. that grandma just makes me so mad. so the grandma told the mom that she was going to come up here and watch lil' miss since it looks like I don't. The kid doesn't leave my side with other kids are not here. I dont think she could be more loved if she went somewhere else. the boys love her to pieces and dote on her. grandma can kiss my ass.

On to these feelings. I don't think it helps that I haven't had any in a couple months and I'm really craving human touch besides the daily kisses from the boys' (which I love and look forward to). it sucks to be single. On a upside my birthday is saturday and a group of us are going to dinner and a movie(our monthly mom thing) and there are 3 new people coming. so far there are 8 of us. I can feel the love. but I won't be getting any birthday nookie ;( . I think I'm goign to try to get some sleep now that I have gotten some stuff off my chest.

i'm boring and lazy!!!

Things have been crazy with packing for a move I don't know when is going to happen but it is going to happen in the next 2 weeks (I hope). And then school started WOOOHOOOO. It means I start work that I don't get paid to do, but thats ok I love it and it means I get to see my babies during the day. The little one is LOVING Kindergarten. He is so excited to get up everyday and go and so excited when he gets home and tells me about it. The big one is happy in school but so upset 2 of his best friends didn't come back. He had a massive meltdown last night. So since school is back that means I go back to work as a lunchlady. I love it. I get to see the boys diring school and get to interact with adults. life is back to good.

Men are stupid!!!

Mostly baby daddies. So my oldest son father was killed whenODS was 4 days shy of 1. My youngest son father is a complete deadbeat who just had another kid. the man is almost 50. his new"Girlfriend" is 29 and ugly. so my youngest has another brother that he will probably never know. and he sperm donor was at the hospital for the birth of him. it just irrates me. My son is a great wonderful little boy and he is missing out of it, but that is his problem. I just don't want my son to feel bad when he gets older like his dad didn't want me. urg men can be morons so bad.

her being ugly is a rant and my opinion.

mom's night out for july!!1

It was awesome!!!! We went to Bob Evans then went to see Made of Honor. It was so funny. Next month is on my birthday we will be going to Banditos not sure the movie cause we won't know until a couple days before hand. I am trying to get a big big group and so far it is working. Of to go watch Hannah Montana with my boys.

my baby boy is home!!

The big one came home yesterday and Oh man I missed him. Today we went bowling and got almost 2,000 tickets. Crazy pins is a bad place lol.

I had to go back to the doctors for an ER visit. My back is still killing me and i'm thinking the bowling didn't help, but I kicked butt and got a 111 today and that was with a hurting back. My doctor sent me to x-rays and said something about a broken back. WTH? I have had 3 vicodins,1 flexrall and one IBpohin and i'm still in pain and my house is trashed and I can't clean it urg.

another update on my and my concussion!!!

I ended up going to the ER tonight after church. I could barely walk by the time church was over. I went a swaped cars with my mom and heading to the ER. They gave me a shot of something that hurt like Hell. They also gave me scrips for Vicodin,flexall and IBophen(sp?).

update on me!!

I still have a headache. And my back still hurts. if I still have a headache on monday I am suppose to go in.

busy day and concussion for mom!!!

Day started out well. the small one had a doctor appt. where they changed all but one of his meds but he is done to 4 instead of 6 or 7 he has had. then when went to get one of the little ones I watch. Went to my mom's because my dad is going to San Diego on saturday fte of time. r 10 days, so we went over there for dinner before he left. I had the hairbrain idea of goign swimming. he got changed and my dad said to go get one for the back yard. that was a waste of time. after about 3 hours we ended up taking it down. so we went to the community pool instead, it was nice not 2 many people and it had cooled down since it was after 7. My dad had gone to get the small ones meds and came back to talk to me since they didn't fill all of them and one they only gave 3 days worth I don't understand that part will call tomorrow to find out what happen. So I was talking to dad when the small one wanted to jump in the pool and I wasn't paying attention and he jumped on my head hard. Right away I started to have a head and still do. I thought he broke my nose cause it hurt so bad. since then i'm moving slow because I have a headache and my neck and back hurt. my mom wants me to wake me up every 2 hours but the thing is what is i can't wake myself up. I am kind of curious about that one.

2 days and a wake up until i the big one up. I miss him so much and he is haven't a blast.

random stuff

I haven't updated in awhile because i have been kinda depressed with the big one gone. He was so surprised that we had been planning for him to go all along and had kept telling him no. He is having a blast and doesn't want to talk to me which makes me very sad. I forgot to go pay my rent on thursday so I have to do that today. on saturday at one point I had 7 kids in this 2 bedroom apartment. it was crazy. we foudn ou tthe little one has allergies. which we knew all along but the skin test didn't show any. he is allergic to dustmites(we knew), cats and dogs, Egg Whites(really bad), peanuts, and wheat. Did you know wheat is in pretty much everything. I went to the store yesterday to find out I ddin't get my food stamps. I am so pissed since I went down there in the the middle of the month and did everything I was suppose to so now I have to call and bitch them out. I am going to finish some quilts today, If its the last thing I do. I am getting a group of us to go see the comedian Jeff Dunham. He is coming to muncie which is about 45 minutes from here. I can't wait to go my sister says he is so worth is. I need to get the little one up and get him his meds so we can go run some errands. he was around dogs and cats and had pizza yesterday It soudn like he's asthma is acting up today. I have been keeping him away but sometimes its is hard. He also had cake I feel like such a bad mom right now, but i'm trying. he would not have been able to have anything because all there was was cake. and this is all new to us.

another didn't go has planned day!!!!

We cleaned the house this morning because it was driving me crazy. The boys room still need to be done but can do tomorrow evening after movie and bowling(long day tomorrow). I made an appt. for the little one to see someone about him still coughing after being on meds almost 2 weeks. we went at 215. they ended up doing a CT scan and like that we have an answer the little one has a sinis infection. so he is on a round of biotics and a steroid. He is on a total of 7 meds right now and will be until friday. then hopefully will be bumped down to his reg 3. So then we had to go get th RX filled and shop. I decided that we should go have dinner with grandma,so we did. Me and her had Chinese and the boys taco bell. We leave there to go put gas in the car. at the gas station I earned worst mother of the year award. the big one went to hand me keys and I shut the door on his fingers accidently. it was bad and he couldn't move them so off to ER we went. Thankfully they are not broken just badly bruised and will be sore the next couple days. I have a headache. I am going to finish reading some blogs and go to bed. long day a head of us. And one of the charges came by with money this morning that was a nice surprise.

Police and my house

is that not scary! I am a good christian so it didn't have anything to do with me. The big one went to the bathroom and came back and said there were red and blue lights. so I went to investigate. Oh there shining right into my living room window. I go into their room to get a closer look and I hear the police yell. get down then some tasering (sp?). When I can see because of all the cops and stuff there is a guy on the Ground right next to my car, in between my car and my neighbors. and it gets better. right in front, if I walked out I would have hit it, of my door is a motorcycle. by the end there were 7 cop cars and 1 ambulance. My kids are scared and I was curious I called the non emergency line and find out it for a routine traffic stop. IF that was routine I hate to see what a hostile one is lol.

Meds!!!!

this is pasted from my other board. this is a major vent with spelling erros because i'm too tired to correct them. I don't know what to do anymore. I do everything the doctors tell me to do for kellen. He started getting his asthma cough a week this past thursday. friday I took my mom his breathing machine and we started it. so he was on 3 meds and his machine. wednesday he was still coughing so I took him in. told me I was doing what I was suppose and added another med. a steroid. so up to 4 meds and his machine. Yesterday he was still coughing like the meds hadn't even touched it, so I called the on call NP, and she added another med and said that if he was still coughing that he needed to be seen. well we had his machine at 9 and from 545 he has been coughing alot and I guess it just got to me. He also had blood work done on friday for alergies. something at my moms triggers(sp?) his asthma. I'm afraid that he won't be able to go to school. he is only 32 lbs and on 6 different meds. how much can his little body take. I have already looked into homeschooling stuff in case he can't go to school. I am going to let him go, but if he misses more then he goes because he is sick it wouldn't be worth it. I'm trying I'm sorry i'm doing this again. thanks if you made it this far

monthly mom's night out

Once a month me and some friends from church go to dinner a movie. We have been doing this since march. It started out 2 of my best friends(d and J) are exactly 6 days a part and were both turning 40. wow. I asked them what they wanted and they bto go to both said dinner and possible a movie and monthly mom's night out was born. the first time we went to see P.S I love you, then bob evans. we had such a good time that we said we should do it every month and we have. In april, me and J(D was sick poor thing it was a long sickness) went to Ihop, then some friends met us and we saw 27 dresses(very funny). in may, it was just me and J(D's daughter had porm). Tonight we went to a local restaurant Atz's (very good and cheap(only 4.10). then we headed to wally world for snacks, then went to see Baby Mama(funny, funny, funny). tonights was very cheap has D has tickets from a while ago(they had been watching a movie and the film broke so they got free tickets). we always so to a dollar movie, we are trying to branch out for dinner and have thought about maybe going to bowling. Crazy pins has ladies night on wednesday. In august is my birthday month, so I get to pick I'm thinking either mexican or chinese. oh we also went to a "toy"store and I got a new one lol. Is it bad if you become on a first name basis with them? lol

Had a really good friday!!

We chilled friday morning. I had an appt from 2-3. when I got we ran some errands. The little one had to have blood work done, he did so well. He only said owwowwoww(sp?). The older one kept making faces at him so that helped. Then I had to go get money from my mother because people can't pay like they should. urg. Then we went to the park with some friends from cafemom. we had never been there before but it was so much fun. we were there for 3 hours. then we went to eat and the service was horrible and the big kid had additude. the little one came home,did meds and fell asleep with his glasses on. The big one thinks he is an adult and keep staying up until midnight. urg I cannot wait until he is in MO. which he still doesn't know about and its funny as H-E-double sticks. tonight is my monthly moms group we are going to see Baby mama I am so wearing a pad its suppose to be seriously funny, and since kids I have had little control in that area.

people make me mad!!

I watch children out of my home so I can stay home with my children. We are getting ready to move so I told this one mother that I would no longer be able to watch her children because After school starts I'm going to have to get a job(maybe, will have to see how the little one does, might hav to homschool). ok back on subject, She wnt out of town to gt her oldst son for the summer and said I'll call you when we get back. she was only gone a week. I have being calling since tuesday with no response. she just makes me so mad. Then I started watching some others kids everything is going ok. I was told the dad is paid tomorrow and that is when i'll get paid no problem. I called the mom today for something to find out that they are going out of town and won't be back until sunday. I told her I had plans this weekend that I needed the money for and she promised they would stop by before they left town to pay me I was here all evening and they never stopped by. urg just makes me so mad. Then I watch another little girl no problems there jsut I don't watch her enough because she is a cutie patootie(sp?). wish all people were like her mom pays everytime I watch her. but that is life

Good day!!!

we are having a good day. we are still pajamas clean up the house going to put in a load of laundry the kids are getting along there have been NO FIGHTS. thats a plus. lol plus he called again man I'm lucky. We are just friends but the Bitch gets jealous just for talking lol. some women just need to get a clue. I don't mess with married men or men who are involved. me and him have been friends for close to 10 years and she needs to get over it.

Doctors!!

I ended up having to take the small one to the doctors. Since last thursday he has had his asthma cough. it was dry in the last day or so it has turned wet and he has been sniffling. they got him in today(they rock). They did the usual questions and breathing thing. he stats were only 77 last time they were in 90's normal is above 80. so they upped all his med so that meant another Rx run to meijers. and they tried to draw blood they poked him but didn't get anything so tomorrow he has to drink lots of water and I have to take him back to get poked again. when they came in he ran behind he brother then wonldn't let go of the armrest I had to pry his little fingers off of it. he did really good taking his 5 meds tonight yep he is now up to 5 poor thing. I have been thinking of homeschooling just because I dont' thing his little body can handle all the germs and such. we shall see. if he gets sick too much I will take him out because really what is he learning if he can't be there because he is sick. and the poor kid has been looking forward to this for a awhile.

FREE MOVIES!!!

every summer regal shows free movies on tuesday and wednesday. Since we missed yesterday we went today and saw The Bee Movie and it was so cute. it not quiet as there are a lot of kids but its still cool to see free movies. next week is Happy Feet and Mr. Magoruim's wonder Emporium I think we will go both days.

Church Voters' meeting

So today we had a voters' meeting. or I should say tonight. Man it waxs 3 and a half hours long. the children were not happy, but they did do well since there was no babysitting and they were the only ones'. there was 6 things on the list tonight and 2 of them were hot topics. the first one being should we use the endowment fund. the vote was yes after and hour and a half. the other issue which I take interest in since my kids go to the school. schould the school stay open or should it close. I say open but thats me. so they have a 200 per student enrollment, tution went up 225 and i'm going to have 2 kids there next year. I may start to home school

so today didn't go has planned!!

We did go to my mom's but thats about it. my dad wanted to take the kids to chuck e cheeses' I said how about putt-putt(mini-golf). Then we decided on bowling. We have a great bowling center called crazy pinz. It 3 bowling area's, a mini-gold, arcade area. 3 food places. the place is huge and 2 stories. it was 2fer tuesday so we played 2 games for 1 lol. I went to put my shoes on and they fell apart lol. I guess when you don't wear them in ages they will do that lol. So we all had to wear to their shows and my feet are still killing me. I did good the first game and won with 113. then I lost the second with i don't remember lol. but I got beat by everyone. but we had a blast. we plan to go next week. Me and my mom are goign to get new shoes. mine are going to be white with pink lighting that glow in black lighting. and my moms are going to be black with the toe and tongue hot pink. The kids want to join leagues and I think they would do very well. They have one league that is like 20 somthing a week at the end they get a ball and a big barb que. will have to look into that. here is the website for crazy pinz.

http://www.crazypinz.com/

some tidbits

The plans for today are!

Taking a shower
Putting clothers away
the small one taking his meds(its becomign such a fight)
Going to my moms to print some things
coming home and working on seam ripping since I didn't get any more done yesterday
I have no clue if I will have any of the kids later, we shall see

going to go for now

oh I managed to get every picked up jsut not sorted out. will do that when the big one is gone. 13 days until my baby leaves

HAA my house!

My house looks like a bomb went off and it wasn't the kids fault. I needed something for an appointment. thankfully its almost picked up. Since we are moving I thought this would be a good time to go thur things I already have half a trash bag filled. off to go thur things again.

how is it?

How is it the kids can be home less then 24 hours and my hosue looks like a bomb exploded seriously. I am not a maid.

Oh and he called which is big since it was in the afternoon and we know he hates using his minutes. he does love me.

Is it time for school yet?

we are in the second week of school being out and I'm ready for them to go back. the fighting a whining I can't take it. I think if weather permits we might go mini-golf but I dare not tell them they will hound me then I won't want to go.

its started out good!

Today I worked on a quilt that I completely messed up. I had to seam rip the whole thing. I am half-way done. I should be done with it today and get the 4 quilts out tomorrow since I have been working on them for 2 months. And the little one doesn't feel good today which is to be expected he hasn't been "really"sick in awhile. He has had all 3 of his 4 meds, 1 he takes later. and the joys of summer the big one asked what I wanted for breaskfast. I LOVE SUMMER!

Sunday's

Today was a good father's day. The boys has been at my parents house since tuesday. my parents and the kids met me at church. The service was weird today, it was half in spanish/half in english. The spanish pastor, a member of our congregtation, and the kindergarden's husband all we being blessed today has they have taking call's to different churches. After church we stopped at the house I'm in too to show my parents and they liked it. Its a cute little house right across from church/school and has a basement. After that we went to RedRobin for lunch. It was good and the Mai Tai was very good but I have been burping up Vodka ever since. Both the kids got grandpa mickey coffee mugs that he loved and were neat. And I got him a mickey t-shirt. See a theme? After that we took my dad home and and stopped at linen n' things for sheets for the boys bed. Found sheets just have to find money now. off to bed.

the big one is going to Missouri in 2 weeks and he doesn't now it lol. Can't wait.

Intro!

I am going to try this blog thing. I am a single mom of 2 boys ages 9 and 5. my youngest has a lot of health problems on top of being a dwarf. I stay at home and watch kids plus I sell quilts. I don't know how this will work out so I'm going to try. I'm seeing this as vent place and a way to get things out. happy reading