Weight!!

Since this here is going to be a big year regarding my weight which I am very happy about. I thought I would post here. Right now I am on a No carb/No sugar diet. I thought it was going to be hard, it has and it hasn't. I am a chocolate person during that time of the month and not having any, well its amazing my kids' are still alive. On Dec. 4th me and my parents went down to Indy for an appt with the doc. She was really nice and we talked over my options. Because I live so far away and have over 150 lbs to live it was decided that I would have the Gastric instead of the Lap-Band. With the Lap-Band I would have to go down to at least once a month for a year. I don't mind going down there but I even that's a little much. So we came home and on Saturday My mom and I took out all the bad stuff that I couldn't eat and the kids' wouldn't eat. I gave 4 bags to church and my mom took 3. Yes 7 bags of crap. Then we went right over to to the store and got what I could. In the first week of doing it I lost 10 lbs. In the last 2 I have lost 6. I am still very happy because a birthday(The Small One turned 7 on the 14th) and Christmas have happened. Really all I'm aloud to eat is meat and veggies, so it getting hold fast. All my paperwork will be submitted on Monday and hopefully we will hear shortly and get this surgery on a roll. I started on July 27th,2008. I am ready for it to be done. So my starting weight was 274 and today yesterday I was 258. I have started working out. I do yoga and strenght Mondays', Wednesday's, and Friday's. On Tuesday's, Thursday's and the Weekend's I do step aerobics and some other stuff on the Wii. I already like how my clothe are fitting me.

Feeling Alone!!!

I hate feeling like this, but I can't help it. besides the kids I have no one in my home and it has been that way since I became a mom. I have had relationships but nothing has ever gotten off the ground so to speak. I want to get married and have more kids. I want to go back to school and make cakes and stuff. Right now my life consist of my kids'. I work in the classrooms' 3 days a week on top of the afterschool care.

I think i'm pretty nothing to call home about. I just have a feeling its going to get worse when I have the surgery because then I will be skinny, but why didn't they want me when I wasn't skinny. My additude won't change, I am who I am. I love my kids', I love my Church and God. That's not going to change when I lose weight, I'm just going to look different. I think i'm a hell of a catch. I cook from scratch, keep house, I quilt, I'm funny and I would give the shirt off my back if I could. That's not going to change when I lose the weight because that is who I am and that stuff makes me happy. I love spending time with my kids' and doing things with them. That's not going to change. So why do guys' look to the outside first? I am changing my outside because I'm not happy with it. I'm doing it because I want to be around for my kids'. Right now I do not have any health problems but with family history in the weight and medical area that could change and I don't want that. My kids' tell me i'm beautiful but I dont' feel it.

I'm afraid I'm going to end up alone anyway. I'm afraid i'm going to end up resenting guys' anyway because they didnt notice me when I was bigger. Am I valid in feeling this way? Am I going to resent guys' once I'm small. I feel better not that I got it out, Hopefully I can sleep now.

Lap-band

So today(I know I have been busylol) I called the center where I am having my Surgery and was told some good news and bad news (isn't that the way it always is). The bad news is the insurance hasn't paid for the 1st surgery of the year(yes i'm on Medicaid and they are only allowed to do 4 Gastic/lap-bands a year). So until that one is paid they can't do any more. The good news is the lady who was put in front of me in june because of said insurance is thinking of going somewhere else if she does I am again next and I could be going into the program by the end of the Month. WOOOHOOO.

If you pray please pray that insurance does what it should and pray for the first surgery.

and Second for if the Lady decides to go somewhere else. It would still be a good thing because she would still get the surgery done.

Thanks

My Birthday!!!

So today I have been on this earth for 29 years. 1 more year until the BIG 3-0. In those 29 years. I have been in Love, Lost Love, Given birth to 2 of the best, brightest boys' God could put on this earth and I'm their mother.

29 is going to be a busy year, good year. Since given birth to those bouncing baby boys' I put on a lot of weight. Family history is big people, but in everyone Else's case they are also very tall. Not the case for me. I am 4' 11'' and a quarter(can't forget the quarter) lol unless I am wearing my Z-coils, then I am 5' he he.

When I got pregnant with that first bouncing baby boy I gained 76lbs yes shocking I know. I was 137. On my little frame it was brutal. And it didn't happen until my 4th month and then BAM. He was 8lbs 12oz. So he wasn't little either. He was 4 days late the little shit. After he was born I was able to get down to 180 but it never lasted long. 3 years and 2 months later I was right back up to 213. I hated it. But I got pregnant again.

I gained wight again and ended up having GD. I gained 40lbs. I just looked like a Oompa Loompa. I hated myself. I didn't care I would go out in my PJ's. In 2007 I lost 30lbs but guess what they have found again. and that Little Bouncing Baby Boy was only 6lb 1 oz and is best little Christmas present ever. And also a little shit.

When I was 8 and a half months pregnant with the Little One I was stupid and stood up on a chair. I broke my Fibia from half way up my leg in half straight down. I had to have 6 pins and a plate put in 3 days after I had him and could not walk for 3 months a very dark 3 months.

It wasn't until July of last year that I started to care really care. I want to be around for my kids and I can't stand to look at myself. So I am Having the Lap-Band done. I have tried in years past to lose weight. I have a Thyroid problem that makes it hard to lose weight(also lose year and can't sleep), My ankle is now fused and doesn't move and I have massive arthritis in my lower back from being hit by a car 12 years ago and in my ankle.

I have already started eating less. I just had surgery this past Tuesday so once I heal I am going to start Wii Fit again.

And tonight I got to spend it with 13 friends, Drinking, Eating, and Laughing. I am very blessed.

Well......

I suck lol. I finally finished my Tweety quilt. Of course, I only did the top. I am going to find out what I have to do toget it finished. I cannot finish it has It is to big for my machine, so I am going to have to pay someone to finish it. That is ok.

The Small one got sick in the car on the way home from a Mad Ants Basketball game thursday. Needless to say he stayed home friday and got an extra day for spring break lol. The Big One and I think we have it figured out. We think he gets Carsick. I have asked if he feels like he is going to be sick or if he just gets sick, he answer was it just happens. So he is banned from playing his DS in the car.

Friday started them on Spring Break and how to be celebrate it, with snow of course. It didn't stick but it snowed today.

The Wii. I have loved it since more so since we got Wii Fit. I have being doing it everyday since we got it. I can already tell a difference in my jeans'. I go thur the Yoga then the Training. then last the Advanced Step. I love the Advance Step, I think that is my fav out of all of it. When I started my Wii Age was 42, it might have went up to 52 during the week, but today after a week of doing(plus starting that girly thing yesterday) my Wii age was 32 today. I was so happy. I have a hard time doing some of the excersizes because I have a fused left ankle. I do my best and it is paying off. In about 2 weeks I am going on a liquid diet to get ready for the Lap Band. I am so excited and I think between the 2 I am going to be a smoking hot 30 y/o next year. so glad we are going on a cruise for my 30th birthday.

Today I had to attend a Bridal Shower. I was bored. I like the bride but right now I am bitter. I want to get married. I want to have more kids. I am not happy with my body looks, therefore I feel no one else does. I don't go out except for once a month with my mom friends. The only other place I go is church. I would love to meet someone from church. I have guy friends, I just don't feel they like me enough to have a relationship. If they do they don't show it.

Laundry is almost done, Boys' are going to my parents and the house is clean. I am going to be bored, bored, bored. Ahhh, the good life lol.