Feeling Alone!!!

I hate feeling like this, but I can't help it. besides the kids I have no one in my home and it has been that way since I became a mom. I have had relationships but nothing has ever gotten off the ground so to speak. I want to get married and have more kids. I want to go back to school and make cakes and stuff. Right now my life consist of my kids'. I work in the classrooms' 3 days a week on top of the afterschool care.

I think i'm pretty nothing to call home about. I just have a feeling its going to get worse when I have the surgery because then I will be skinny, but why didn't they want me when I wasn't skinny. My additude won't change, I am who I am. I love my kids', I love my Church and God. That's not going to change when I lose weight, I'm just going to look different. I think i'm a hell of a catch. I cook from scratch, keep house, I quilt, I'm funny and I would give the shirt off my back if I could. That's not going to change when I lose the weight because that is who I am and that stuff makes me happy. I love spending time with my kids' and doing things with them. That's not going to change. So why do guys' look to the outside first? I am changing my outside because I'm not happy with it. I'm doing it because I want to be around for my kids'. Right now I do not have any health problems but with family history in the weight and medical area that could change and I don't want that. My kids' tell me i'm beautiful but I dont' feel it.

I'm afraid I'm going to end up alone anyway. I'm afraid i'm going to end up resenting guys' anyway because they didnt notice me when I was bigger. Am I valid in feeling this way? Am I going to resent guys' once I'm small. I feel better not that I got it out, Hopefully I can sleep now.

Some Feelings

This is not how I wanted my 100th post to go but I need to get some stuff out. I love all my friends' and each one is someone I can share certain things with. I love J and her daughter N and The Princess. I think this is coming from jealously but I am upset with them. I have been working, Voluntarily working my butt off at the kids' new school in hopes that I could get hired in the extended care. I love the kids'. Now I wonder why I go there's nothing I do. They wanted to hire someone new because the last couple weeks have been crazy. So what do they do in order to give N a reason to want to be there they hired her. yea the girl that just had a baby 3 weeks ago. She has never watched all the kids' the whole time by herself. I don't do anything anymore. I loved signing the kids' in and talking to them when they first got there, I don't even get to do that anymore because N does it. She hogs it like nobodies business. I left early today because I was going to cry. It was something I looked forward to and now I don't.

i was also talking to another friend about some things and she told me I was ridiculous. And I needed to stop OK yes I was being I don't know but they are my feelings, I can't help them. I feel better getting this out. I think. Now I am going to take the Boys' to a doctor appt. then The Small One to my mom's and The Big One is having 3 friends spend the night tomorrow oh yea me.

Really busy week!! and extra teeth.

This week was spring break. like tradition I didn't have my kids but other people kids, so it goes when you have a home daycare lol. The Kids I had this year were good, so I didn't break down like last year. My kids finally came home today. We worked on there Science Fair Project, hope to get them finished this week. Next weekend we will work on putting them together on the board and the 15th is the fair. The Big One got half of his main part done and he is going to finish the other part after church. The Small One got all the main part done.

The Small has lost another tooth and is waskind of funny. I was finishing up something and he said mom, can you pull my tooth out. I said in a sec and he said oh, its out. Lots of blood to follow lol. Talking about teeth, they both had dentist appts. monday. Wooohooo no cavaites. But we did find out some interesting news about The Small one. He has an extra tooth. The kid does nothing normal. The extra tooth is above the tooth he lost tonight. So another baby tooth will come in then an adult. Looking at his teeth tonight, I have no idea how the teeth are going to fit. I am pretty sure braces are in the poor kids future, more sooner then later i'm thinking.

The Small One!!!

my mom called about a half hour ago to tell me The Small One was hit in the cheek with a hockey puck. reason number 1,399,082 why I hate hockey. She says it doesn't look that bad but she sent it to me and it looks bad. So now i'm going to be worried urg. I am going to be calling every ever few minutes to see if he is ok.

Update: He barely has a bruise, thank goodness. He does say his jaw hurts when he moves it so I am going to call his Dentist tomorrow to see if they want to check just to make sure.