I took my PM meds and I still can't sleep lots of things going thur my mind. like lil' miss has been here since 1030 tuesday night and won't be going home until 1030 thursday and it looks like it going to be a regular thing except she will be here at 2 on tuesday and i meant in PM 1030 pm. so a full 48 hours. I don't mind love her to pieces but jeez. Then on top of it I have feelings for someone I really shouldn't. why is it the guys i end of having feelings for are not completely available makes me sad and upset that. I want to have someone for my very own that I can love and dote on and clean for and make more babies with. LIFE ISN"T FAIR!!! tomorrow night I will have 6 kids in this house that doesn't have a living room because all the packed boxes are in there. Then I haven't talked to moron in a couple weeks and it really has me down. I miss talking to him even if all he did was talk about that bitch. I think i'm having a pity party. I love watching kids but I sometimes wish I didn't. I love my boys and want to spend as much time with them as I can. I want a man to do everything with and sleep next to. I'm a little tired of having little people in my bed but the thing is if they didn't sleep there I would have a whole queen size bed to myself and I think it would get old very quickly. I feel sorry for lil' miss a mom hardly ever there going from grandma to babysitter back to grandma. and right now i'm mad at grandma and I have never met her. She told mom of lil' miss that I must not watch lil' miss because she fell down one stair. Ok here is the story. we were at a friends house all kids were upstairs has that was the playroom. most of the evening we had been keeping the door to upstairs closed and gated off kitchen and going outside. since all the kids had gone up stairs I let lil' Miss with strict instructions the the big one to watch her. she is only 17 months. He did a very good job until the end. the kids decided to come down stairs and has I was goign up there to get her she fell down one stair. I don't think that makes me a bad sitter plus she didn't have a mark on her and she was fine. accidents happen and this kid has come over with more bumps and bruises from playing outside. that grandma just makes me so mad. so the grandma told the mom that she was going to come up here and watch lil' miss since it looks like I don't. The kid doesn't leave my side with other kids are not here. I dont think she could be more loved if she went somewhere else. the boys love her to pieces and dote on her. grandma can kiss my ass.
On to these feelings. I don't think it helps that I haven't had any in a couple months and I'm really craving human touch besides the daily kisses from the boys' (which I love and look forward to). it sucks to be single. On a upside my birthday is saturday and a group of us are going to dinner and a movie(our monthly mom thing) and there are 3 new people coming. so far there are 8 of us. I can feel the love. but I won't be getting any birthday nookie ;( . I think I'm goign to try to get some sleep now that I have gotten some stuff off my chest.